It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize