I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
