TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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