You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she pinky promised me she was 18
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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