this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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