tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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