Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
