I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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