I wish I could punch you in the face.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
