Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
