He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
