i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
