So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
