My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
