someone get that fucking seahorse.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
