I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?