If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I want to be your penis for a week.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.