maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
