i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.