I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We need to rekindle our bromance
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
