A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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