I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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