Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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