So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
