Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
