im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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