She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
