i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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