I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
