I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
