there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
