someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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