It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
