Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
