He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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