Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
