Jerry, you need to find god
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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