i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
