Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
God, you're like boner-b-gone
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
