we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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