Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
