Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
