did you get engaged???
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
