As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
