Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
