You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
