In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
