What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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