I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
