don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
