If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
