i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
