I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
