I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
