i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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