Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
