I cockslap morals
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
