you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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