He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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