But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
