ya dads aren't the best wingmen
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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