you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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