her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
