Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
