if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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