I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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