no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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