Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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