I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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