If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
